Day 273, Year 10 in Glasshalfull
Loving the Loser Life
A Loser's Tanka -dbryan A sparkling glass tips. Profuse positivity puddles on the floor. Mirroring my lack of style? No! My bittersweet balance.
"A loser used to be just somebody who had lost. Then it came to mean somebody who had the soul of a loser, somebody who was predisposed to loss. Once you believe that, you’re going to try your hardest not to act like someone who has experienced loss, because that’s seen as a failure of character." - Susan Cain
I’ve been inhaling Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, by Susan Cain. I say inhaling rather than reading because her words are like a breath of fresh air to me. I’m finding answers in each chapter: why I cry at the happiest of times, why, in a moment of joy, my mind shifts immediately to a feeling of loss because I know those kinds of moments are fleeting.
When I was thinking about making Glasshalfull my newsletter, I discussed the prospect with my friend and book bubbe, Sarah Aronson who gave me a piece of advice. It was something like, “Talk about the times when things aren’t going so well, too. People need a break from the positivity.” The fact that I wasn’t able to get her comment out of my head made me realize how right she was.
I’ll admit there are times when I’m angry, frustrated, and jealous. When I feel like a loser x 100! Like after I’d received the latest set of a 100+ rejections on my middle grade novel and my very last possibility was on the verge of falling through. Everyone else seemed to be able to snag agents, convince traditional publishers that their books were the next best thing. And year after year, I kept revising, submitting, getting positive feedback but no takers. I was a loser, for sure. Even the page (in the photo above) which I took from a magazine in the dentist’s office and saved in my scrapbook for years and years until I got mad at it and threw it away, told me so. And my dad did, too. Especially when it came to my writing.
One day, I made the mistake of giving him one of the stories I’d written for my high school newspaper. Just to look over and give me pointers. I tried to keep my mouth shut as he completely rewrote it. Tried to tell him when it was done that it wasn’t my style. That I’d only wanted some suggestions. His icy reply? “You don’t have a style.” Sure, he might have been having a bad day. Or I might have misunderstood his comment. But I didn’t misunderstand the anger on his face. I should have known better than to challenge his authority. But I was a teenager, testing the limits…
While that incident paired with the Bank of America travelers’ checks ad made me sad, they didn’t defeat me for some reason. I think, now it’s because I’m a bittersweet person like Susan Cain describes in her book. Whatever the reason, it also made me determined. To prove my dad, the ad execs, and all the other naysayers wrong. To have faith in myself and to not be ashamed of failing.
So, yes, I’ve had several dark moments lately and felt sorry for myself as other authors post the news of their books’ releases and I’ve had to postpone mine until spring. And that I’m publishing it myself because I’m running out of time for others to make it happen for me. But that doesn’t make me a loser. Maybe it just means I’m supposed to do it myself, that my old, retired brain has more capacity than it feels like sometimes, that it’s able to learn the skills or find and hire the other creatives who are excited about my project and are willing to help me make it happen. And if I have a low moment now and then, I’m having a lot fewer than when I was racking up the rejections or getting no answers at all.
I’m a great believer in things happening when they are supposed to. Like me finding that dumb magazine ad in the dentist’s office, Sarah giving me good advice at the right time, and my friend Ann Parr telling me about Susan’s Cain’s book when I needed it. I’ve experienced deep loss and great joy. The bittersweet balance between the two is what my book is all about. It’s for the kids like the young me who are testing boundaries, sticking up for themselves, discovering their talents and their places in the world while the people around them, even the people they love belittle them. I may be a born loser. But I’m the proud author of Hotdog, Frankenstina, and Metamorphic Me. It’s definitely MY STYLE and I can’t wait for you to see it!
Featured Artist
Cohen happens to be our grandson AND our featured artist again this week. Thanks Cohen. This newsletter needed a splash of FLASH. Great job!
Freebies!
Today is the last day to sign up to win a Free Zoom visit! So submit your name or the name of a favorite teacher using the comment button below, leave a comment on my website, or email me to enter the drawing to win a 30-minute ZOOM visit with me during the 2022-23 school year. Watch this space next week for the announcement of the October and November contest.
Furry Family Album
This fur ball is Rocky. We adopted him the same day we adopted Gracie all because he was being a flirt and stuck his fluffy paw out at me as I walked by his cage. He was the most laid back cat and quite the social butterfly. If people came over and didn’t shut their windows, he’d be in their vehicles saying “hello.” When the ladies came to quilt, he’d jump up on the quilt, stretch out, and wait for the petting to begin. We lost him last winter, but will never forget him. He was definitely one of a kind.
Where in the World…?
This Kansas tourist attraction was a WPA project and occupies the crest of a hill. From the top you can see clear across Kansas it seems. I remember my mother making us breakfast there at dawn in 1958 when my aunt, uncle, and cousins came to visit from Kansas City. Almost exactly 60 years later, in 2018, I had breakfast there again with Ann Parr and Sarah Aronson, the day I took this picture.
Last week’s Where in the World was Bowl Plaza in Lucas, Kansas, voted the second best public restroom in 2014. I didn’t even know there was a contest for that!
Have a good weekend.
Hugs,
Dale-Marie
I’m gobsmacked by the intense beauty of your writing. This needs to be read every single day.
I just wanted to share with you that throughout the years when your father would tell your brother, my husband, about your accomplishments, he was always over the moon about your creativity, intelligence and talent. Of course I could hear a little undercurrent of "why can't you be as talented as your sister?" That was just the way he was.